One Liner E-mail Signature Files

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Pretty Good

  • Forget the Joneses. I can't keep up with the Simpsons!

  • Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

  • You can't scare me. I drive a school bus!

  • Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

  • Get the facts first - you can distort them later!

  • You can't scare me - I have children!

  • If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

  • Computer problems? Have you checked the loose nut in front of the keyboard?

  • The trouble with political jokes is - they get elected.

  • Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield.

  • I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

  • I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

  • EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle.

  • Dragons love you. You're crunchy and good with ketchup.

  • Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it!

  • Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.

  • Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

  • They told me I was gullible, and I believed them!

  • Do not disturb. Already disturbed!

  • As I said before, I never repeat myself.

  • Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's Island.

  • This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it's dimwit resistant.

  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes!

  • No matter where you go, there you are. Huh?

  • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

  • Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

  • I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

  • "I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait."

  • Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!
    - Kermit the Frog

  • "He who would give up a little liberty in return for a little security deserves neither liberty nor security."
    - Benjamin Franklin

  • "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
    --Will Rogers


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